Trump Not Too Busy To Judge Miss Universe Contest

President-Elect Donald J. Trump, who recently said he was not too busy to be a co-producer of "The Apprentice" because "if George W. Bush and Bill Clinton could do this job, someone as bright as me can do it in half the time," said he would remain the producer of the "Miss Universe" contest, and be one of the judges.

The Miss Universe contest will be held on Earth in the Milky Way again this year as it has been from its inception, but will take place in Moscow for the first time.  A lucrative contract with Russian state television will replace the one with NBC that Trump lost early in the campaign.  Trump still watches NBC, at least the "Saturday Night Live" production that has created the first job of the Trump Administration's promise of millions of new jobs-- for Alec Baldwin to impersonate him.
"Ultimately, said Trump spokesweasel Kellyanne Conway (who put the "Con" back in "Conway" with a capital "C"), "Mr. Trump plans to create millions of jobs for Trump impersonators and angry talking heads of the right and left.  He said he'd create millions of jobs, he just didn't say they'd be paying jobs.  This should have been evident to the voting public if they followed what contractors who worked for him have said."

It is unclear how much Trump will profit personally from the Russian TV contract which is technically with his blind trust. The Russians are said to have paid a lot for the movie and paperback book rights to the contest. "This is in no way a conflict of interest," said Donald Trump Jr., president of the President Donald J. Trump Blind Trust; the charity whose motto is "Place your blind trust in President Donald Trump."  While President Trump is away at the contest, Assistant President Ivanka Trump will be in charge of the country in that newly created position in the Administration.  Her father chose her, he said, after an "Apprentice" like inter-family competition, because "her heart belongs to Daddy."

"We will have some really gorgeous girls in the contest-- tens at the very least," Trump said in a press conference in which he was to explain his business interests. "Not every Jenna, Talia, Pia or Kitty will qualify -- if you catch my drift, " he said  with a Cheshire Cat Smile.  Mr. Trump, a Porn Born Again Christian Entrepreneur, will be judging the dressing room portion of the competition that occurs off camera.