Six Feet Apart Not Six Feet Under

 

WHAT IS IT? ANSWER

 

Unger The Bebbe Broken Bulb Remover

Item # 

UG-BBBR-EA

 

 

Each     Qty: 1

Mfr. Model # 

BEBE0

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• Removes broken light bulbs from socket
• Fully insulated
• Complete with plastic tray

$15.13

QTY 

Availability: Typically in stock (Details)

If Putin Invites You To Tea, Politely Demur

 

People who are opposed to Vladimir Putin have a bad habit of winding up with "food" poisoning. If he invites you to tea, bring along a taster. A word to the wise is have a prior engagement -- so When You Ahr Ess To V. P. (Vladimir Putin) in the words of Nancy Reagan "Just Say No!"

o0o o0o

On behalf of the ghost of Susan B. Anthony, her museum told Donald J. Trump where he can shove his pardon.  This is altogether fitting because were she alive and around, she would be no supporter of this misogynist  doing the same.  Accepting a pardon like the heinous miscreants Joe Arpaio, Michael Behenna, and Roger Stone would not only put her in terrible company means acknowledging that you had done something wrong for which you need to be pardoned. In her mind (and most likely correctly) the Fourteenth Amendment granted her the constitutional right to vote since she was a citizen of the United States entitled to the benefits thereof.  Trump has very polite advisers and friends who frequently say Pardon me, pardon me."

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It's going to be an awkward Thanksgiving at the Trumps this year when sister Maryanne Trump Barry, Trump's older sister shows up with the cranberry relish.  Even worse than your drunk uncle with his stale jokes and racist rants.  Maybe Donald can get Putin to invite her to tea first, or just send over his favorite tea pot.

As with other people who get in trouble or who Donald decides he dislikes, tomorrow he will claim he hardly knows her, doesn't recall meeting her, and hasn't seen her in years.

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Last Week

 

Masterpiece cake oral arg.

Trump Not Too Busy To Judge Miss Universe Contest

President-Elect Donald J. Trump, who recently said he was not too busy to be a co-producer of "The Apprentice" because "if George W. Bush and Bill Clinton could do this job, someone as bright as me can do it in half the time," said he would remain the producer of the "Miss Universe" contest, and be one of the judges.

The Miss Universe contest will be held on Earth in the Milky Way again this year as it has been from its inception, but will take place in Moscow for the first time.  A lucrative contract with Russian state television will replace the one with NBC that Trump lost early in the campaign.  Trump still watches NBC, at least the "Saturday Night Live" production that has created the first job of the Trump Administration's promise of millions of new jobs-- for Alec Baldwin to impersonate him.
"Ultimately, said Trump spokesweasel Kellyanne Conway (who put the "Con" back in "Conway" with a capital "C"), "Mr. Trump plans to create millions of jobs for Trump impersonators and angry talking heads of the right and left.  He said he'd create millions of jobs, he just didn't say they'd be paying jobs.  This should have been evident to the voting public if they followed what contractors who worked for him have said."

It is unclear how much Trump will profit personally from the Russian TV contract which is technically with his blind trust. The Russians are said to have paid a lot for the movie and paperback book rights to the contest. "This is in no way a conflict of interest," said Donald Trump Jr., president of the President Donald J. Trump Blind Trust; the charity whose motto is "Place your blind trust in President Donald Trump."  While President Trump is away at the contest, Assistant President Ivanka Trump will be in charge of the country in that newly created position in the Administration.  Her father chose her, he said, after an "Apprentice" like inter-family competition, because "her heart belongs to Daddy."

"We will have some really gorgeous girls in the contest-- tens at the very least," Trump said in a press conference in which he was to explain his business interests. "Not every Jenna, Talia, Pia or Kitty will qualify -- if you catch my drift, " he said  with a Cheshire Cat Smile.  Mr. Trump, a Porn Born Again Christian Entrepreneur, will be judging the dressing room portion of the competition that occurs off camera.

The leadership of the WNBA bowed to pressure and fined members of the New York Liberty who wore Black Lives Matter T shirts, and then, under pressure, recinded the fines.  The WNBA are a bunch of pussies.

Trump / Pence Eye Clean Renewable Energy Source: Harness Fapping

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ERRATA

Erotta

Errata

In a previous post we suggested that the tip jar on the counter at the deli was for foreskins.  We regret the error, but not as much as the cashier did when she encountered them.

With Trump's Name on It, Of Course

WARNING or (Click bait depending on you!) This post rated "R" for rant and for raunchy.

Some presidential campaigns have wooed voters with give-a-ways of useful items like fans, pens, mugs, sewing kits, combs, match boxes, and the like.  Donald Trump, looking for a way to woo women and environmentalists, has come up with the "biggest winner of all."  "The best presidential giveaway of all times" according to his beleaguered campaign staff.

Trump has promised to make women happier than Hillary Clinton would, and be the best president for women.  Now, promoting recycling that environmentalists champion, Trump has taken a clue from this commercial that seems ubiquitous on some cable channels:








Now Trump will offer former shampoo bottles that want to make women happy a unique opportunity.

The Trump campaign will be giving away (for only $9.95 postage and handling c/o The Trump Organization) this "really classy" recycled shampoo bottle made into a hairbrush that has an additional function that hairbrushes have been used for in private by women and girls to "make them smile" for years.

 Yes, it's the combined hairbrush and Donald Trump dildo, and it can be yours as a presidential campaign keepsake, a thoughtfully recycled environmentally friendly item, and a sex toy you can actually brush your hair with all in one --- only from The Trump Organization. (Just send $9.95 for shipping and handling).  The Trump Organization  -- selling America classy stuff with Trump's name on it for what seems like ages.

Mourning/Morning

The Days Go On

The days go on.
The days don’t care
What words you say
The days go on.

Another dawn
The days go on
When someone’s gone.

You will go on
After the dawn.
Although you’re there
The days don’t care.
Mourning/Morning   


The days go on.
The days don’t care
If someone close
Is no longer there.
The days go on.

The sky’s still blue
As blue as the ocean
As blue as you.
The days go one
As blue as eyes
The sky is grey
When someone dies
The days go on.

Texas Cheerleaders High Kick

Popeye Says Hymen Restoration Operation Made Olive Oyl Extra Virgin

Crime Time : From the Ridiculous to the... More Ridiculous

This blog's Senior Criminal Reporter Cicily Anne DiSizst reports from Woolworth Correctional Facility where she is doing five to ten with time off for good behavior (time and a half off for good behavior on weekends and holidays under the FLSA--The Fair Long Sentences Act) on two unusual crime stories in this week's news.

In the first, a bank on Long Island was robbed by a gun toting Darth Vader. It's not so unusual that Vader would rob a bank--after all he does come from the Dark Side (so called because black is the new black and the old black there--you'll never catch him dead in plaid), and his investments in toxic mortgages and Lehman Bros. stock meant that his Imperial Army pension and the mortgage on the Death Star went into Garbage Compactor 3263827 years ago. What was unusual is that he used a gun and not a light saber.

Light sabers have become less desirable as weapons with which to rob a bank because their power has been greatly diminished ever since the Empire's mandate to reduce one's carbon footprint meant that light sabers light source had to be converted to LED's.

The second reason is that the Supreme Court's decision about the Second Amendment in McDonald v. Chicago confirmed the Constitutional right to bring a gun into in a bank. If you're going to withdraw cash from a bank whether by means of a withdrawal slip or by a six shooter, you will need a weapon to defend yourself from others who are there to withdraw your cash from your person in a similar manner (although there is generally no need to worry about the nonagenarian bank guard whose weapon contains no bullets).

Vader is currently on the run, but the cops have some clues. They'll be posting the above wanted poster soon; and detectives say it may not be long until the police force will be with him.

The second story (Cecily DiSizst is doing time for being a second story man) involves a police dog who was recently suspended for an unprovoked attack on a schnauzer. The latter was in violation of a leash law and had stopped to frisk, sources told Di Sizst. The German Shepherd named Dax, whose bite is reported to be worse than his bark, was required to attend an anger management course, according to the course provider, Anthony Anger. The dog's medical insurance, Blue Lacy Cross and Blue Lacy Shield paid for the course; which was entitled "Temper and Distemper."

Because of the stress of the police work, many police dogs begin to drink heavily and act out. Some are said to have issues that go back to birth order in the litter. "The job requires you to have the patience of a Saint Bernard," says Dog Psychiatrist Rex Charles-Spaniel.

If Dax misbehaves again, under the doctrine of progressive discipline he faces possible harsher sanctions such being demoted to "cat," or having his dog license suspended or revoked.

News B4 Its News

This blog is now alive again--the more "R" rated cousin of the Supremecourtjester, thanks to a miracle cure from a Libyan doctor who brought the Lockerbee bomber back from death's door just when everyone wanted to kick him through it...

Our exclusive sources have learned that Dannica Patrick is giving up her sponsorship by GoDaddy.com--the organization that promoted her through soft porn type images. Instead that website has been outbid by a true porn site-- CumDaddy.com, and she'll keep a firm grip on their grer shift lever from now on...

Total Eclipse of That One ?

What is the greatest threat to the American economy today? Greedy Wall Street Masters of the Universe? Fear Itself ? "Nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance?" For my younger readers "Fear Itself" is not an awful indy rock band.

No--John MCain says it's science. Here in September John McCain spoke about "planetariums and other foolishness." As a purest, McCain is not limiting his attacks to stars like Paris Hilton (who is still running against him and has been endorse by Former Fake President Jed Bartlet in this clip), he is also attacking the study of the heavenly stars as well.

When you need trillions for defense and a couple few trillions to keep out of debtor's prison (today McCain made a Freudian slip when he addressed a rally as "my fellow prisoners") who can afford the frills of education? Particularly if it's as controversial a subject as the study of the cosmos !






Science

November Voting: Ignore the man behind the curtain pulling the Levers ?

After "it" hit the fan in the presidential vote count in Florida in 2000, the government thought we needed some "sweeping reforms" to sweep"it" all up. With great creative imagination, the government decided that what was needed was--hold your breath--there's a surprise coming up that will shock and awe you--another bureaucracy. Voila--the United States Election Assistance Commission--with a broad mandate and a tiny checkbook. It seems Congress forgot to fund the agency---and no brooms=no sweeping.

The United States Election Assistance Commission described here is supposed to make sure that we have no electoral deadlocks, confusing ballots that record septuagenarians in Florida voting to end social security or erly bird specials, and machines that actually work. So, how's it going? It isn't.

The tax and spend Republicans (only in favor of taxing and spending when they're in power) figured that another Federal bureaucracy was just the thing we needed so they created one in the Help America Vote Act (HAVA). But they didn't HAVA clue how to accomplish their goal. So, is the assistance they give you a ride to the poll? Nooo, guess again. Will they make it easier to register? Nooo guess again, they'll make it harder! You'll need ID, voter cards (National ID?) and the like, because we sure can let the wrong people vote!

The Commission wanted "hit the ground running" which is Federal bureaucrat talk for not taking three years to come up with an organization chart. Instead they hit the grounds, since they had to meet in a Starbucks (*$$) until Congress found them some space and money.

They're supposed to be certifying and testing voting machines, but the results so far are comparable to the FDA on tomato safety.

Perhaps they're busy doing a mission statement or coming up with a motto: "Were the Federal Election Assistance Commission--and we'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"

Garbage In, Boy George songs Out!

Yes, Boy George, British rock/pop singer will perform at the Department of Sanitation’s annual Family Day on August 16th in New York. He will entertain New York's Cleanest as thanks for the kindness that they showed him when he was doing community service cleaning the streets under a court sentence. Then he returned to making music or, as it is known to us community disservice.

Civil War Claims Another Victim

The American Civil War has claimed one more victim if you're scoring at home.
A collector of Civil War relics was restoring a civil war cannon ball when it exploded and the shrapnel killed him, according to this report.