New Description?

This blog is considering changing it's description to: "There's lies, damn lies, and political campaigns."

Obama Campaign

The word on the street is that Barack Obama has only made Oprah one specific promise if he is elected president. He'll put her picture on the $ 100 bill.

And now this ad from a firm of Canadian Divorce Lawyers

It's their party, and you'll cry if they want you to.

Dennis Kucinich has failed in his attempt to get on the Texas Democratic primary ballot because he refused to take an oath that he would support the eventual nominee of the party in the general election. He has no problem with an oath about many of the candidates, it's the affirmation part of the oath that he's got troubles with. Let's keep this in mind and see how strong the losers in the primary will support the ultimate winner--is Gravel on that ballot?
How long is the oath good for? Was Sen. Joe Lieberman (Ind., former D., endorses and votes like an R.--Ct.) asked to do this in the last election?
Kucinich said that the oath infringed upon his freedom of speech, but after the Supremes did in the New York Judge who didn't want to give patronage to party hacks on the theory that the party is a private institution that can make it's own stupid rules (except for maybe that sign on the clubhouse "No Girls Allowed") what did you expect?
It's too bad the oath didn't include nasty comments about fellow Democrats leading up to the primary, but you can't have everything.
Since the Supreme Court has held that electors who are pledged to a candidate don't really have to vote for that candidate, and the delegates elected to the Democratic convention are only pledged for the first ballot, how binding do you think the oath would be? Maybe if Kucinich didn't support the ultimate candidate of the Democrats he'd have to forfeit his Texas delegates. Or, since it's Texas, the state with by far the most executions in the country and it involves Washington, D.C. --maybe it's a capital/capitol offense.

Luck be a (1)lady, (2) black man, (3) son of a millworker?

A Nevada judge is letting the Democrats caucus at casinos on Saturday because, hey, the while thing is a crap shoot, anyway.

Mr. and Ms. Celaneous

Aren't some Chinese toy companies the true alchemists? They turned lead into gold...Wal-mart is getting ahead of the curve and plans a new spring line of jeans for the coming recession--"recessive jeans"...Mike Huckabee told an interviewer than when he was in college he used to cook fried squirrel in a popcorn popper. You can see why he's on the Colbert Report and not Martha Stewart. I'd stay away from the potluck dinner rallies his supporters hold for awhile.

Useless S A Today

Today it was reported that scientists have created a beating rat's heart by reviving a dead rat's heart--just in case you think there are too many dead rats out there that need a second chance. The Republicans have promised many more new jobs for Michigan. I didn't know they needed that many Wal-marts there.

Fashion Police: "Orange is not the new black at the Supreme Court"

Inside the Supreme Court the judges wear black. Friday, outside the Supreme Court 80 people in orange jump suits (meant to replicate those of the the government's involuntary guests at the Guantanamo Bay Extended Stay Marriott with Exercise Courtyard) protested and shut the place down momentarily. They don't get to have their say (only the judges do) on the court's steps or inside because of D.C. ordinances. They were arrested (not by the Fashion Police) proving that orange is not the new black this season. Those outfits are so ugly it's nothing short of criminal.
An ordinance forbids haranges and orations inside the court house--which, judging from Justice Thomas' angry autobiography, may be the reason he doesn't say much when cases are argued.

Is Huckabee Williams Jennings Bryan Reincarnated?

George Santayana observed that those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it (usually in summer school in an unairconditioned classroom with a disgruntled history teacher, but I digress).I would point out to the Republicans that there once was a candidate from the heartlands with conservative but populist ideas, claiming to be a man of the common folk ("The Great Commoner") who stood up in court to advocate that the Bible was literally true and that evolution was not. But he was a Democrat, William Jennings Bryan--and he lost twice in the presidential elections. A lawyer from Nebraska, he was known as the Boy Orator of the Platte because people were captivated by his speech making style (although his opponents compared him to the Platte River--very shallow, and a mile wide at the mouth.) That was over a hundred years ago, so memories of it may faded in the Bible colleges of the plains. It has been said that history repeats itself (like an indigestible meal?), first as tragedy, and then as farce (and a third time as a minseries on the History Channel, and a fourth time unrecognizably in an Oliver Stone movie, and a fifth time...help! Stop me !)(Actually an indigestible meal repeats itself first as trajectory and then as farts--but I digress!)
Will the Republicans inherit the Windbag?

Big news on Britney front

The big news on the Britney Spears front today is that there is no news. No car in the street, no nervous breakdown, no missed appointment with Dr. Phil, no fights with her ex, no dropping her kids on their noggins. Maybe she just took the day off. Athough there is a rumor that she has taken up with a member of the paparazzi. Is there such a thing as a mamarazzi?

Job hunting?

George Bush is in the Middle East now where many jobs for Americans in the petroleum industry are located. In January he's going to be looking for a job. Coincidence?

Do I hear a quarter?

In his autobiography Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas says he stores his Yale Law degree in his basement with a 15-cent sticker from a cigar package on the frame. He says that's what it's worth.
Sadly, many lawyers concur with that assessment of Thomas' legal education.

Voter ID--Intrusive? M. L. E. Litella speaks....

The headlines say that the Supreme Court heard a case about Voters ID. The Civil Libertine opponents say that it is too intrusive and an invasion of privacy. I agree that the government ought to leave our ids alone--and our egos, too.
What's that you say?
Oh!
Never mind.

Dr. Phil --Shouldn't he be on strike ,too?

Dr. Phil, the afternoon Couch on many Couch Potatoes' Tubes, has struck out with Britney Spears. She has refused to go on his show --apparently his fees were too high or she just wouldn't get on a couch with him. (See my account at supremecourtjester.blogspot.com.) And speaking of strikes, shouldn't he be on one?After all he writes on occasion even if it's only a Dr. Re-Phil.
Perhaps he can resolve the writers' strike by intervening there where he was also not invited. He could get into the egos and Superegos and gianteconomysize egos of the participants, highlight the psychological failings of each, and then resolve the strike with a big group hug.

Iowa in Perspectctive

Iowa is not the rest of the country people--so calm down. In 1988 Evangelical Pat Robertson was second ahead of George Bush with 25% of the vote--the most liberal of the Democrats, Dick Gephardt won on the Democratic side.

On the Singing Beat--Turning the Beat Around

Speaking of turining the beat around, Britney Spears was deposed in LA today. We don't mean deposed as the Queen of Pop, since that was an abdication. We mean that the lawyers for Kevin Federline tried to question her in the pending child custody case. The name of her law firm (No kidding-- check out the Daily News website) is Trope and Trope. A trope is a play on words--so here goes. As the famous quotation from the Book of Isaiah (carved into the hall at the UN) says: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their Spears into pruning hooks." Look out Britney and Jamie Lynn--the lawyers are out to beat you (into pruning hooks) in court.

Send them registered male.

Did you hear that Paris Hilton registered for gifts from the sex offenders registry?

Electoral Shenanigains

President Musharraf has announced that he is seeking help to solve the Bhutto murder. He has called upon Scotland Yard to get famed detective Sherlock Holmes and Miss Marple to solve the mystery. If they're successful, he'll ask Law & Order D.A. Jack Mc Coy to prosecute the perps...The validity of the Kenyan vote counting process was called into question today when it was announced y the Kenyan Election Commission that incumbent president Mbeki had also won the Democratic caucus in Iowa.

Seasons Greetings

Click on photo for close up.

Must See T.V.-- My "Knights of the Found Table."

am currently developing my Saturday morning cartoon show–“Knights of the Found Table.” It begins when one of the participants at the Arab-Israeli Oslo Accords curses the table at which the peace agreement is reached. The curse causes the table to make upsetting noises, and it is known as the “Groaning Table.” It gets discarded and set out on the curb as trash.
The table is found by beautiful Sierra Chubb, a young lady looking to reduce her carbon footprint (and furnish her apartment cheap) by recycling. The curse that was pronounced provided that the table would make mournful noises (it was a distressed table) until it was kissed by a princess (or other royalty) who truly wanted world peace. Sierra is a former beauty queen contestant–so, of course, she had said that what she wants most in life is world peace. In the Right to Life Beauty Contest she was crowned Miss Conception of 2007. She was so happy to find the table she kissed it, and was transformed into Opening Knight of the Found Table. Because the Found Table escaped a curse, it has magical powers, and attracts The Knights of the Found Table.

The Knights include:

Knight of the Iguana–Sir Richard (“Tim” ) Burton, formerly a V.A. Gardener, now turned adventurer;
Knight of the Living Dead–who is brain dead from watching too much T.V. but is unaware of his handicap;
Silent Knight–who never speaks because he has a space where his mouth should be (Also known as the Hole-y Knight);
Darkest Knight– an entertainer who always appears (on the bill) just before (Tony Orlando) and Dawn;
MidSummer’s Knight- the knight who’s seen only in your dreams–when you wish upon a star;
Bogie Knight–formerly known as the Disco Kid with his companion Pawn Cho--his squire, and the winner of the Squire Dubious Achievement Award of 2007,
Over Knight–A guest who comes to party at your place and never leaves;
Krystal Knight–a female knight from Germany who destroys things that are clear because she does not see;
Three Dog Knight–A descendant of Cerberus, the three headed dog that guards the gates of Hades,-- this knight’s three heads are Old Shuck–the Hound of the Baskervilles, Lassie, and the head that actually speaks–Gidget, the Taco bell Chihuahua;
Election Knight–Who speaks in long, drawn out but predictable sentences, but whose predictions are sometimes hasty;
Twelfth Knight–The knight in the seat numbered 12 at the Found Table–the Siege Perilous, also known as the Hot Seat, because fellow knights often give its occupant a hot foot,
Knight of the Long Knives, a knight from Japan whose name is Ginzu,
Endless Knight–who got his sobriquet because of his curiously flat gluteus maximus,
and Tenderis, the Knight–the official photographer of the knight’s exploits, whose everyday identity is photographer “F Stop” Fitzgerald.
Stay tuned for their adventures.

For ReLie Able Forsight use.......